Growing up as one of seven kids (and two relatives waiting for a green card in the basement) in a crowded house in Essex County, I learned early that wisdom doesn’t always flow in one direction. Growing up during those times meant doing what you were told and never questioning authority. But looking back over my six decades of living, and after 40 years in public service, I have come to realize something that took me too long to appreciate: the young have as much to teach us as we have to teach them.
Let me be clear, I’m not getting daffy or soft as I get older. I still believe in some of the steel-encased tenets that were drilled into my skull as a young boy (think Robert Duval in the Great Santini). Respect the elders, pay your dues, work hard, take no shortcuts, and understand that experience counts. But I have watched too many of my contemporaries dismiss an entire generation as being phone-addicted, entitled, and unprepared. And at the very same observation, I have seen young people write off anyone over 50 as hopelessly out of touch or useless—think Logan’s Run.
Here is some reckoning coming your way: both sides are wrong, and both sides are poorer because of it.
I’ve sat in countless boardrooms and legislative chambers with people who have decades of experience and walls lined with diplomas. But some of the most clarifying moments in my career have come from listening to people 25 years my junior. The younger generation sees things that we have stopped seeing. They question assumptions we used to accept as gospel. They ask “why” when others stopped asking or caring.
At the our law firm, in the senate chambers, and at the Port Authority, I’ve watched the next generation, the very same generational class that includes my now 29-year-old son and 26-year-old daughter, think out of the traditional box and sometimes respectfully challenge (not necessarily confront) established norms and established protocols, not out of disrespect, but because they believed that there exists a better way. And you know what? Sometimes there simply is a better way. Fresh, younger eyes sometimes catch what older ones miss.
The upcoming generation is emerging, and I, for one, am getting comfortable with that. There is something to be said about being at ease with change. My generation grew up believing that stability was good—get the job, get a second job, get married, get a mortgage, have children, and keep that same job until you retire. The world has changed a lot since the 60’s, and no one is more aware of that or more ready than this emerging generation. The younger folks understand that the world isn’t always fair, and that sometimes bad things happen to good people. We have witnessed long-time loyal employees lose a lifelong job because of corporate greed or lack of vision from the C-suite. These younger folks have been trained to prepare for the inevitable crash, survive, adapt, and move on. This younger generation seems to have learned from the trials and tribulations of their parents, and somehow it has become embedded in their souls to watch for problems. I never would have admitted this years ago, but there is great hope for the future.
Before I get accused of blindsiding my contemporaries in the workforce and abandoning their significant contributions, let me be clear—there is no substitute for experience. You could have limited skills, but if you watch a process enough, it slowly grows on you. You can master any trade by watching how it is done and slowly easing your way in. As skillful and agile as this younger crowd is with technology and AI, you can’t Google your way to wisdom, and you can’t download judgment and experience. The grey-haired crowd knows full well that we have been born and raised and improved by failure, knockdowns, and starting over. We took years, yes years, of making mistakes before we got the memo on how to succeed. And these things can’t be taught or gleaned from listening to podcasts.
In my 20-plus years in the legislature, I was told that if I wanted to learn, shut up, watch, and understand the process. I am aware that we are prohibited today from using the phrase “shut up” in a sentence, as the sensibilities of some might be offended. The point is, I learned the fine points of legislating and using the public soapbox effectively from watching more experienced assemblymembers like Joe Doria, Rose Heck, Jack Collins, John Kelly, Rich Bagger, and senators Nia Gill, Bill Gormley, Ron Rice, and dozens of others. I was mentored by many by simply observing, watching, and taking mental notes. These experiences as an aide and legislator shaped me into a better person and a more balanced leader. The younger generation should take note—asking for help and guidance isn’t a weakness. It is a strength, and it will inform you as the smarter path to take as you move ahead.
Here is the point of all this, and I think that neither generation can fully appreciate it: we need each other.
The older generation has scars, experiences, and stories. We know where the landmines are because we stepped on a few and we buried a few as well. We understand that not every fight is worth having, but when you are engaged in war, make it count. Our generation understands the real power and connectivity of relationships, and we learn eventually to grow this thing called patience.
There is no denying that the younger generation has energy, a fresh perspective, and fluency with technology. They see injustice more readily and more clearly than we do and have an instinct not to look the other way. They also more readily push for change, don’t have the jaded perspective that comes with age, and are better adapted to be community-facing and more willing to engage in charity, not as college credit but as a moral mission.
If you put these two forces together, you have something powerful—stunningly powerful.
I have witnessed younger staffers challenge the old guard and cause everyone to lean in to make a better product. It takes the team to an entirely new level. I have seen veteran professionals spend time mentoring rising stars. Those stars entered another layer in the atmosphere.
The best teams, legislative, political, or business, arrive at their destination only when you have a cohesive team that is multigenerational and with both sides accepting and engaged.
Here is a challenge that the two generations need to meet.
The older generation needs to understand that age doesn’t confer wisdom; it can help, but you need to be open to new methods. Experience matters only if you learn something from it or if it yields something positive. Bottling up experience and watching it through a glass doesn’t move the ball forward, as, in that suspended state, it has no connection or impact with the organic world around it. And another thing, stop being so defensive when the younger generation questions how things are being done, and ask if we can build a better mousetrap. Try listening, stop talking, and good things will happen.
To the younger generation: stop thinking the world revolves around you, and stop thinking 50 years is ancient. The world has been around for a bit, and you can learn a lot from history, personal and collective, and you will enrich yourself and the community around you by watching the older generation. While you are at it, take out your earbuds and have a normal face-to-face conversation. Please ask questions and understand that humility isn’t stupidity; it is genius.
Let me close with this. We are living through a moment of profound generational tension. It shows up in our workplaces, in our politics, around our dining room tables, in our recreational yards, and in our houses of worship. It doesn’t have to be this way—Boomers vs Gen Z. If both sides can recognize the value each other have and move halfway to reduce the pointless divide, we all become better. Each generation has blind spots and gifts. We owe it to ourselves and our community to allow these generational gifts to meld, forging a more stable and intelligent future for all of us.
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